Over the years Netra had often written “ Dearest Godparents, I think it is time for me to marry, what do you think?” Our suggestion that he should wait until he met someone he wanted to marry was not considered sound advice. He followed the more traditional route of having his marriage arranged. We heard about Sarina during one of the infrequent and rather awkward conversations with Netra earlier in the year. As I began my farewells, he suddenly said, “ Oh by the way, I’m engaged to be married”.
It transpired that ,with his parents being too far away to assist (Netra is now teaching in Kathmandu) he had been making inquires himself and had heard of a suitable bride through a friend who knew Sarina’s brother in law. She met all his stringent requirements, being of the same caste ,well educated (a teacher like himself) and willing to marry someone from a poor farming background. An added bonus, apparently, was that she was from a distant region; that of Ilam on the Eastern border of Nepal.
We meet Sarina on our first evening in Kathmandu, in Netra’s tiny but immaculate apartment. She is a shy, neat, tiny little person, initially totally overwhelmed by having two( to her) large foreigners in such close proximity. Her English is poor compared with Netra’s but she smiles continuously as she assists Netra in unwrapping our wedding gifts.
Our suspicions that she is pregnant are confirmed by Netra the following day. This suprises us initially as we had understood that the first wedding ceremony was to take place in Norung (with us as the chief guests!) and the second in Ilam at the bride’s home. However, they apparently became man and wife after all the convoluted steps of the arrangement had been completed. The lengthy written and verbal inquiries are made by family representatives regarding suitability and the contract is sealed before the partners even meet. Questions regarding this process are met with incomprehension “were you nervous meeting her for the first time?”; “what were your first impressions?”; “what would you have done if you really didn’t like the look of her!”. These things are accepted and in the case of Netra and Sarina the match appears to be perfect. They chat happily together, laugh and joke a great deal, hold hands, and are obviously in love.
Despite initial reserve , Sarina and I become very close during our three week visit. Later in our stay, at her family’s home near Ilam, the final barriers are removed. Together with her sisters, she laughs at my attempts at Nepali, at trying to form little pasta parcels known as momos and at draping myself in a sari. We sing and dance together without restraint before the video camera. When we meet for the last time before our departure, she throws her arms around me and sobs uncontrollably.